After a day of finding absolutely nothing I liked for save-the-dates, I called Charlie while he was at work and had a mini breakdown. I was so annoyed that something so silly was causing me so much stress. After a little reassuring and a trip down to Paper-Source after he got off work, we have a solution:
Totally DIY, and better than what we had settled on in the first place. We used this luxe frost paper, which was conveniently on clearance, and these and these in blossom. I found the calendar on Wedding Chicks for free, and used tiny heart-shaped brads from Michael's. They'll go in the mail next week!
Afterwards, we celebrated with a fried food coma.
A much happier ending.